Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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