I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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