My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
