also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's shark week go big or go home
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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