Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
