I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize