I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
