If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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