My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
