I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize