When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Why can't burritos get me drunk
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
