There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
