peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
