i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
