the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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