I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
