What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
