No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
