walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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