pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
