I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
