hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
