Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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