I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
