we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
