I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
