cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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