Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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