Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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