; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm so fucking centered right now
i need an iv and a liver transplant
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
