no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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