Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
