"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
