Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My penis needs a shock collar
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
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