is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
