I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize