Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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