Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
