Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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