I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish i was in the wii world.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
