I heard we made out
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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