haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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