Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
