This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
