Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
