Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
