You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
