You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ugly people sure do ruin things
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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