I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
