Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
