I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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