watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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