you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
