sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
