my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
