ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
