I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
whose parrot is this?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
