The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
