I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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