Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
