Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You have to summon your inner elephant
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
