hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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