Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
