my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
