From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
