question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
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