Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
