Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
