i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
