PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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