Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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