Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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