I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
